Introspective Instability

Year: 2020

Medium: series of 6 acrylic paintings on canvas

Size (height x width): 90 x 65 cm

My self-portrait series burrows through the pillars of self-reflection and introspection and how we correlate with our immediate environments. From this basis, we act like we are the primary originators of our very own emotions and experiences yet in some natural sense, we have designed ourselves to embody these infective elements of what we perceive and interact with.

These elements then become the boundaries with which I inspect myself against the need to be understood. I want to be completely understood, yet I want to be understood within these boundaries. I try to find similar boundaries around me, but I fit neither completely in this nor in that. I want to look outside from within myself, yet the idea of outside could already be integrated within myself.

In this process, I begin to question reality and its hierarchies. I question its existence against my perception of self-consciousness and the ideals of my imagination. Could it be that by questioning this philosophy of disconnection through subconscious introspection, then we temporarily see the idea of ourselves severed from ‘ourselves’ in dreams, visions, hallucinations, delusions, fantasies, addictions and what is considered mental depressions or insanity?

Or could it just be an outcome of something that we have subconsciously translated into someone else to absorb as their very own emotion and experience?

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